Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
