My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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