New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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