Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
