3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
