oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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