Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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