just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
