I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
