Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
