My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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