please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
