just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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