lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
