I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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