dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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