the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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