my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Vodka?
Forever.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
