Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
