A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
