pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
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