It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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