I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
