So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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