But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
