i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
