I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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