Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize