Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
