shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize