Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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