We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
