I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Come back. Shots need mouths.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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