I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize