FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
