I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
