so that wasnt chicken after all
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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