Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
