i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
