just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
