I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
