Sponge bath it is.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
