so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We were destined to go to rehab together
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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