Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
