You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
