There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
