Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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