Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
