bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
