I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
