I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
