This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
