you win again, gameday.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
