I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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