He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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