you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
3pm strippers are depressing
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
