remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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