Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
