Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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