Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
