The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
