You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Jerry, you need to find god
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
