Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
