Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
