I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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