I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
