In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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