well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
