Where did you get a picture of my penis
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Still dying that you shit outside
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
