Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
