Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
