I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize