I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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