oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What drink are we having for lunch?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
