New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
